By Natalia Mijares Otani
There is a popular urban phrase many of us have heard at least once in our lifetime: ‘You are what you eat.’ For most, this saying might bring to mind images of pizza, pasta, or salads. But, as Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City would say, ‘I couldn’t help but wonder’…are we also what we watch in the media?
To this day, the effects of George Gerbner’s cultivation theory are deemed as limited. The theory suggests that the more television people watch, the more likely they are to internalize and adopt its underlying messages. However, because cultivation theory is frequently applied only to violent media, it fails to explain how the media is influencing our perception on topics many of us have little understanding of, such as love.
Are we all unknowingly consuming media that shapes our perception of love? Since the dawn of cinematography, the media has often depicted love as all-consuming, dramatic, sexual, and ending with a perfect “happily ever after.” But how much of that is actually true? Or better phrased, how much of it do they expect us to believe is true? Many of us remember scenes like John Cusack holding a boombox above his head outside Diane’s bedroom window in Say Anything, playing “In Your Eyes” to declare his love. Or Julia Roberts in Notting Hill, asking Hugh Grant to love her. And how could one forget Noah’s 365 letters to Ally while they were on a break in The Notebook? Movies like Titanic, Pride and Prejudice, La La Land, Roman Holiday, Before Sunrise (to name a few…) have not only shaped how we view love and relationships, but have also set unrealistically high expectations that are most likely far from true considering the complexities of real-life love.
From over glamorized meet cutes, to the grand gesture and final act of love. One of the most significant ways the media influences our perception of love is by over-romanticizing it, leading us, the audience, to believe that love should always be exciting, dramatic and even chaotic at times. In reality, healthy relationships often thrive in stability and sometimes in what we may perceive as “dullness”. These rigid ideals about what love should look like, set unrealistic and unachievable standards for love. The notion that there is one perfect partner, or “the one” often overlooks the reality of life, making us question whether we are playing the game of love by the right “rules”.
However, it’s not all black and white. Although highly criticized and frowned upon, there is a certain notion of optimism, illusion, and nostalgia that is often ignored when it comes to romance portrayed in entertainment media. In a world that has become highly digitized, where people are eager to find genuine human connection and interaction, perhaps these movies can be seen as fundamental touchstones. Just as our food choices impact our physical well-being, our media consumption shapes our emotional and psychological understanding of love. A steady diet of grand gestures and whirlwind romances can leave us craving unrealistic ideals, just as too much sugar can distort our sense of real nourishment. But, when consumed mindfully, these portrayals can serve as a reminder of love’s magic without replacing reality. In a time where dating often feels transactional, marked by algorithm-driven matches and quick judgments, perhaps these classic love stories provide a needed counterbalance: no swiping right or left, mindless texting, or sexting. Maybe then, it is time we start changing our media diets. While entertainment media depicts love to unrealistic standards, which often leads to feelings of deception, dissatisfaction, and disappointment, it also contributes to portrayals of love, which are becoming less common in today’s day and age.
Maybe, then, the key isn’t to cut out romantic media altogether, but to approach it with the same mindfulness we apply to a healthy diet. Just as overindulging in junk food can harm our bodies, overconsuming idealized portrayals of love can distort our expectations and leave us emotionally unsatisfied. And just like drugs, which can create dependency and cloud our judgment, far-fetched media narratives can lead to a toxic addiction of unrealistic love. But that doesn’t mean we should stop watching these stories altogether. When consumed in moderation, they can still fill us with hope that true love, in all its imperfect forms, does exist. If we carefully regulate what we eat to protect our health, shouldn’t we do the same for our hearts and minds? Perhaps it’s time to go from Love and Other Drugs to Love and Other Media Diets.
